Mr. Rogers and Lorin Hollander - complete episode of clip in Won’t You B...

New York City Buses are Pure Theater.

I absolutely adore riding the New York Buses. Having recently moved here, I hadn't ridden a bus in years, as I drove everywhere in my former city, Los Angeles. Had to. The Public Transportation in Los Angeles is practically non-existent.

Got on a cross-town bus in the late afternoon yesterday. When I reached to put my card in the money box, there was a little card that said " Free Today." How nice. I said "Thank You," and sat down almost in the front row, closest to the bus driver. It was a busy time for bus users. Everyone got on and went to pay. The reactions on the peoples' faces were incredible.

One lady actually looked angry. Most people didn't ever react; they just put their bus cards quickly back where they'd come from. A couple actually asked, " Free?" and got the driver to nod.

One man asked," Does that meant that I just take my seat?" He was carrying a brief case stuffed with Financial Newspapers.

People continued to get on and off, barely noticing the driver. Then one woman walked to the front of the bus to ask the driver where the bus stopped. The driver asked her to stop yelling. The lady replied that she naturally had a loud voice.

When I finally got up to get off, I thanked the driver for the free ride and wished her a lovely evening. She just smiled, looking so relieved to finally have someone pay attention to her!

New York Taxi Drivers Can Be Amazing!!!

I have taken lots of taxi rides, since I moved to New York four years ago.

Some men... I've only had one female driver!!!... want to have a conversation with me, which I usually welcome and appreciate. I've spoken with drivers from all over the world, who have created better lives for themselves here. Some who came here alone,  have married and have raised kids who have gone off to college. These guys are super proud; and well they ought to be. Some leave their families behind and ultimately bring them over. Others come with everyone: their own young families and their parents, the grandparents. Paying attention to my drivers have usually enriched my day and social horizon.

I can imagine having a Giant National 'Reunion' of all the people who came here and became taxi drivers over the past three decades. what a movie that would make! I am sure we would learn lots and be wiser for their stories.

Every taxi driver I've spoken to has a story and has never been sorry they've come here. Some left professions behind, because they were afraid they could not expand their prior lives. Here, they have acquired property and their children are now living the lives they envisioned for themselves.

The grandest story I've heard from heard is about a man who arrived here with no money and started working in gas stations. He soon started buying land around several stations. It took time but he built a small empire which now includes a summer home in Italy. Today his children and grandchildren are living the lives of the Upper Class.

Taking The Time To Write and To Notice...

I haven't blogged in a very long time, and I've got a myriad of excuses...the most honest one being that I just don't give myself the kind of attention to make a special time to sit down to write.
...that is pretty basic and also major. In order to do the things we enjoy, feel good, passionate and energetic about, we have to give ourselves permission to take the time, to attend to whatever it is, to pay attention to the actual act of doing.

I collect stories and research from mega sources in articles that I add to piles on one of my three 'desks.' When I go back to them, I either like them all over again, can't find part of the article or the date it was printed, or it's out of date. There's lots of drama in that.

I have now decided that I have missed blogging enough that I am going to systemize the whole operation to make it easier, more fun, and more frequent!

I've discovered a new expression, "attention-hogging." I found it in a review of a dance presentation at Jacob's Pillow Dance Festival at The Berkshires in Massachusetts, a wondrous place , where every summer marvelous theater, music, dance is performed. The choreographer/dancer, Dorraine Dorrance was able to show in a number about romance her admirable aversion to 'attention-hogging.' While I didn't see the dance,  I immediately knew what she meant, as that behavior shows up everywhere...in  classrooms, in offices, around dinner tables, in relationships, and on and on. People interrupt, they draw attention to themselves somehow, they make faces using non-verbal ways to distract, they take up the energy in a space. I applaud her showing the physicality of it.

I've been able to see the dimension of attention for ages now, and this is another facet for me to notice!

It Is Said: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words - Facebook Reactions to Photo of Fatal Accident Caused by Texting!

I recently wrote an article on The American Chronicle, a widely read Internet newspaper, about our serious cell phone problems. I even have a label for what I see happening: 

Our great social attention deficit disorder (SADD). You may read it here. 

When I first signed up for Facebook, I reconnected with a lovely young mother from California who attended a workshop I’d given there; she read my article and, in response, posted a picture of a very bloody accident on Facebook which has as of this writing has garnered 4,720 likes, 3,113 comments, and was shared 91,381 times. See below:

I am terribly fascinated by the comments that this picture has provoked, especially after just having written my article. My only comment, aside from my general amazement at the spelling and grammar, was that I wished the discussion had not been about the truck itself. My point was that if ten more people stop texting while driving after seeing the picture, and they tell ten more people to do the same, then I think we will have started a new campaign – the Stop Texting While Driving Revolution!

I have copied only the comments that grabbed me (names removed, of course). They are in the order they arrived, and no edits have been made. I want to know what YOU think of this picture, these comments and the issue of texting while driving.

So many people still not getting it in Bmore or Md.... It should apply to all including law enforcement since there so many wireless devices !!!! Safety is and should be everyones concern!!!

What a disaster?

I can't say I like this but I can say Texting while driving isn't such a good Idea..... it ended up like this!

This should be a wake up call to people in a hurry and want to multi task. Maybe not some people will think I am better than that and still text while driving. That is why they say wisdom is not for the young patience is acquired over time.

I agree this could happen to any one

People just don’t listen when you tell them not to tx and drive till this happen mayby is because they have shit for brains

Regardless of whether your driving a truck or car, pay attention to your driving. Pull over if you want to tx or phone someone!

 I think that Im gonna slow down in my corvette and def. NOT text while driving.....

What is so important that it cant wait...are a few words worth losing your life over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!! but u know what this still won’t effect the ones that still do it ivr seen adults txtn or reading need to get off ur phones period..

Life is short enough as it is. Take nothing for granite and take minute to think of the consequences of each action. I'm far from perfect, but I do want to live to see another day.

OMG No more texting & driving for me

that truck was broke down in the break down lane!!!! look at the ground behind the vette's tires!!! NO SKID MARKS... And the vette hit the rear axles of this trailer so hard it pushed them all they way to the front at the axle's stop bar!!!! i see this everyday, i been driving truck for 36 years... vettes owner my he R..I.P.

hey andrew there is a bar there desighned to stop this from happenening but due to the spped of the vehicle it is now folded up underneath the trailer

 The bars on the truck were put there to avoid this type of accident, They first appeared when Jane Mansfield ran her car under a truck like this, to very bad

Yeah, and what if the truck driver just pulled back on the road on the down hill side going only 5 or 10 mph. [I saw this many times] The poor fool in the vet wouldn't have a chance even if he wasn't tex in. These new young guys just out of so called DRIVERS SCHOO are as dumb as a sack of nipples. The main lanes are minimum speed 40 mph. So thhe idea is to get as closee to that speed as pos before you pull into the fast lane over a hill top.

 I drive a truck and can say the truck would push the car backwards long before it ever got under like that plus the car driver would get out or honk horn before this too as trucks don't reverse fast. Only a high speed impact would do this. Nice to know that the trucker is still always to blame though.

FYI...An ICC Bumper won't stop a vehicle traveling at a high rate of speed from going under a semi...I will usually stop a slower lighter vehicle but in this case, you can't fix STUPIDITY...even with an ICC Bumber...And, Jennifer...This is for you...If you REALLY think the truck backed OVER the car, I hope you never breed...This car had to be going at LEAST 60mph or MORE in order for this extent of damage to happen...Oh, wait, that's right, I forget, You PROBABLY have a copy of the police report, huh? Jennifer, you are TRUELY an idiot, but God bless you and may he allow your children to grow up more intelligent than you are

 I got a dwi I'm so piss I don't believe in drinking and driving but someone had to take them kids to day care!

hes dead give him a break im sure u have done stupid things to u wont tell rite

no dont blame the truckers its your job to be aware they got blind sides and no back window duh thats a cope out and u know it

Been there.High speed chase ended on the back of my truck.Three kids,stolen stang.ICC bumpers are designed to crumple@50,000 psi. 500hp,fiberglass,convertible?Probably didn't bend the bumper.Next the driver has to unpin the slider and rip the trailer fwd to slide the trailer off the car.Then he has to have the brains washed off the back of the truck

 the only disaster is the loss of such a nice car..... sorry i have no compassion for such stupidity, i refuse to have any sympathy for this idiot. im a truck driver and i see this shit every day. people driving down the road texting among other stupid things. YOU ALL NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD!!!!!!

Our Toes Can Be A Connection to Healthier Living!

I know that since the arrival of the computer age, I haven’t been spending enough time exercising and moving around; I’ve been talking about that for ages, complaining about my new ‘addiction’ to sitting at my desk and typing away.... not good for me, for my elbows, my neck or my psyche. It's a common scenario.

So I’ve already had three private yoga lessons to get my old strength and balance back. This is working, but, of course, I wish my resurgence would come faster.

So there I was looking at my toes and realizing that I hadn’t really looked at them for ages. I stretched them, wiggled them and poured positive energy into them, until they really looked alive again.

Yesterday I went back to physical therapy, suggested by my internist, after I’d fallen several times. It seems my body is shouting out for attention these days! We worked together for an hour, and I was told that I don’t use my inner core muscles when I walk. I walk as if I’m about to “take off,” becoming disconnected from my body. Imagine...

I got what he was saying and worked diligently to energetically connect my head to the muscles that work my legs. I hadn’t realized I had this bodily disconnect.  For the rest of the day, I walked with a new consciousness about my mind-body connection. At the end of the day, I hurt all over. I knew that I was using muscles that I hadn’t for far too long, probably most of my life.

I remember my mother always joking about the way I walked...she told me that I could never be a dancer, because I was so awkward. Of course, I realize as an adult that those kind of remarks did little or nothing to enhance my self –esteem, my body awareness or my sense of grace. I’ve learned to forgive her for what she said to me; there was no way at that time that she could have known what her remarks were doing to me.

However, I did ask my physical therapist before I left if he felt that all kids ought to take dance lessons or other movement education in elementary school. He told me that he’d never thought about that.

I realize now how many physical problems could be prevented, if little kids learned to walk well and to be aware of their bodies and how to manage them. This is attention of the first order and lasts forever. I know that there are yoga classes now in many elementary schools around the country, as more and more adults are realizing the advantages of doing yoga for body realignment, focusing, repairing un-used body muscles, and gaining balance control. It’s vital that all the stake-holders in schools - parents, teachers, boards and principals - rally to keep these classes going. It’s such unwise planning to cut these kinds of programs in order to reduce expenses.

Fortunately, there’s a relatively new non-profit organization called Play Works, which in the fall will be located in 400 schools and will impact some 200,000 students. This group’s work, teaching play skills such as cooperation, fairness and respect on playgrounds, has resulted in less bullying, less need for discipline in the classrooms, improved communication skills, much better conflict resolution and a better respect for others. There are instant changes at playground time with playground coaches in charge and much more fun and physical activity. That is really great news and will have positive ramifications for everyone involved. I am thrilled whenever demonstrations of thoughtful attention make measurable impacts on young people.

Pierre Dulaine has been around for years teaching middle school kids the art of ballroom dancing. In fact, “Take the Lead” is a marvelous movie about his work starring Antonio Banderas. Dulaine has made a difference for tens of thousands of kids and teachers. 42,000 kids were part of his program, Dancing Classrooms, just last year. Through the art of dance, his program teaches kids to believe in themselves, increasing their self-esteem and teaching them how to respect themselves and others. Kids experience the breaking down of social barriers, learning about honor, communicating more effectively, cooperating and accepting others even when they look and sound different. And of course, they’re learning to dance, to move to music, to lead and to follow their partners, and to discover their physical boundaries, all of which are positive life-giving values.

Ballroom dancing can be wonderful for seniors, too. It is a way of exercising, of being touched positively by a partner, of communicating, of being part of a learning experience and a new way to connect their minds and bodies.

Moving is magic for us all, at every age, in any place, and needs to be recognized as a vital part of our lives, whether it’s on a playground, in a ballroom, in a yoga studio or consciously walking down a street. So tap, stretch and use those toes to bring more light and joy to your world!

The Brooklyn Bridge: It's All About Support!

Recently I celebrated another decade birthday.  This was a BIG one!!!

All my family plus two “adopted” family members joined in for a 3 ½-day weekend. There were eleven of us. This event was actually some ten years in the making. The previous decade birthday came at a tough time in my life, when I was going through a divorce and had ambivalent feelings about lots of what was happening. I was definitely not quiet about how unhappy I was then. While my sons did want to plan a Los Angeles party for me, I know, now, that I was just too debilitated by the recent events to take part in a huge celebration.

However, the next year I got to go on a great womens’ retreat to Isla de Mujeres, Mexico, where I got lots of special attention and even a special dairy –free chocolate cake from the residence chef, who was so proud that she found the right recipe. It was absolutely memorable.

But I missed being with my family.

I come from the time when kids were supposed to be seen and not heard, but I’ve grown and finally arrived in the vital place where I’ve discovered what I need and how to ask for it. My kids are ultra-important to me; I like to be around them. While they live in different parts of the country, Austin, San Diego and Eugene, OR (I’m just lucky that they’re not scattered across the world!)  I’ve chosen recently to live in New York. They have all visited, and we have had great times together, but they’ve never all been here at the same time. For this birthday I wanted to play with them, share outings and stay together.

At first I suggested, perhaps, a cruise, which met with a resounding “No!” After much deliberation, phone calls and e-mails back and forth, they all said they wanted to come to the Big Apple to do the things they’d never had time to do or were too busy to do on previous trips. We sent out a survey to gather information about preferred activities and dining needs. I think there were 39 items on one of the first lists. Everyone was very creative with their suggestions. But we whittled it down and came up with an agenda that intrigued everyone.

And so they came, my granddaughters presenting me with a magic wand and the proclamation that I could now have anything I wanted with a flick of my wrist! We all showed up at the chosen hotel at different times, assembling later for dinner. I carried my wand everywhere and got lots of juicy comments in elevators, at restaurants, and on the street. Of course, the family cameras were constantly clicking the entire time, and my wand was clearly visible throughout.  The pictures are wonderful; I get to live the week-end over and over just by looking at them, whenever I want. I’ve put the group picture of us posing at the end of our trip over the Brooklyn Bridge on Facebook, where it’s gotten more than 40 comments, some from people I haven’t connected with in many years. I like that.

We managed over the next three days to walk on the High Line, New York’s unique park situated atop old elevated train tracks, as well as visit delicious Eataly restaurant for dessert, visit my son’s New York office for a tour, shop at the wonderful UniQlo, the well designed Japanese store, visit the Museum Of Modern Art for the Cindy Sherman show, have a super tour at The Brooklyn Botanic Garden under the cherry blossoms, walk over the Brooklyn Bridge back to Manhattan, see Newsies, enjoyed by all for its fabulous dancing, great sets, and good music, ate well at places where all dietary requests could be met (no small feat!), host a big brunch for 46 friends and family and then hold a final review of everything! I saw lots of smiles, different groups hanging out together, and heard lots of laughter.

There was something for everyone and it has been declared an “awesome” time by all. All the conversations, phone calls and e-mails, but most importantly the attention we put into the planning of this weekend, were worth every moment. For me, it was a dream come true.

Not only did I have a sensational, nurturing and memorable time, I recognized a very important truth again, as I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge holding my wand and linking arms with many of my loved ones. My family was concerned that I might not be able to make it across due to the cold, the wind, the distance, etc., but I never doubted I could, and I did. I realized that when you feel the support you need from those you love, you can do anything.

I Wish I'd Known Roger Molander

Sometimes I read the obituaries.

Often these columns describe important peoples’ lives in such a way that I learn about contributions they’ve made that really need to be celebrated.

On April 1, Roger C. Molander, a nuclear protest leader, passed away. I truly regret that I’d never heard of or known him. Here’s part of an article he wrote in the Los Angeles Times in 1982, about creating peace between America and Russia, that is sure worth more publicizing:

So bring on the Russians...try their vodka, listen to their music, read their novels, watch them dance. Maybe take one to lunch and start a conversation on a topic of mutual interest. Try “the fate of the earth,” for starters.

I am going to “Google” Roger Molander to learn more. When he heard a Navy captain say that “only” 500 million people would be killed in a nuclear war, he realized that the “technical priesthood,” his term for the nuclear war experts, could not alone be responsible for maintaining the fragile relations between the two nations, because they clearly failed to grasp the true emotional consequences of that staggering loss of life. He suggested that instead, ordinary Americans and Russians needed to spend most of their time talking on the human plane about their kids, grandkids, friends and their responsibilities to future generations.

Hurrah!

Keeping our attention focused on one another’s humanity and inherent value is a prime component of creating peace between people. After years of research, discovery and taking histories of people all over the world, I have concluded that attention is our primary need. Everyone needs and wants to be seen, listened to, valued, respected, supported, honored, and connected to others. Peace between people is created when people feel safe with each other, feel that they matter to each other, can trust each other and can count on each other.

When we realize that we really all want the same things in life, we can realize that we’re all connected and the same – color doesn’t matter, ethnicity doesn’t matter and wealth doesn’t matter.

Recently I came across a very clear list of ten ‘plague-like’ man-made destructive forces that kill relationships and prohibit peace between people:

Apathy,

Envy of others,

Intolerance,

Persecution,

Injustice,

Poverty,

Violence,

War,

Exploitation of others, and

Deafness to cries for help.

This is the first time I’ve seen such a list, and it’s as if it has solidified my thinking about attention. This list of ten things actually describes the different ways people act out to get the attention they need, often at the expense of peace and planetary harmony.

At the top of the list is Apathy, which is lack of interest or concern: indifference. Apathy is a terrible state of mind: it’s an energy killer, and yet it appears to be taking over our human spirits as a result of the enormous amount of suffering and injustice in the world. We need to pay attention to our tendency toward apathy, call it out and banish it for good if our world is to survive.

This is a serious contemplation for me to have on a lovely spring day, but it needs to be had and shared. And it all came about because I read page 24 of the New York Times on April 1, 2012!

High Heels, Oscar's Red Carpet and Research

I have to admit that I really wonder about what young women are wearing on their feet these days. I was at a shoe repair shop the other day to buy some laces, and a darling gal put two pairs of shoes on the counter to be fixed. She told the repairman that the heels, which were at least six inches high, needed fixing. When she wears these shoes, her feet have to feel like they're in toe (ballet) shoes.

Now I've heard that sometimes when these wearers take their shoes off, they can't get their heels to touch the floor. I can only groan and think of the ancient Chinese custom of foot-binding, where little girls' feet were tightly bound to make them look small and dainty. They did this to please the men in their lives and ended up being crippled for life;  I wouldn't be surprised if the same fate awaits the most avid heel-wearers.

I was actually delighted to hear that one of the Oscar night celebrities posed for pictures in her (extremely) high heels, then took them off as soon as she could, and spent the rest of the evening walking around in her bare feet! Did you catch that moment?

I know that I am not the only one wondering about this phenomenon. The medical profession is even talking about the damage that these shoes are causing, along with flip flops, a shoe fashion that returns every summer. Both kinds of shoes negatively affect posture and can even have an effect on your nerves. I'm not surprised that this is the case. If your feet hurt, you generally hurt all over, and the pain could extend to your insides. There are people trained today who can diagnose more serious internal problems by testing parts of a person's feet. Best we all pay attention to them.

And that's not all - doctors are now speaking out about the tight jeans that women wear. They say that if you have to jump up and down to struggle into them, they're too tight and may be causing damage to leg nerves and other structures. 

Here's my memo to all women, young and old alike: Paying attention to how all our body parts feel and how they're functioning is vital in maintaining our overall health as we get older, and it serves to prevent unnecessary physical problems. And if we're paying attention to what our bodies are telling us, then at what point do we finally stop dressing to impress others? When we come to realize that we're hurting ourselves by being endlessly seduced by the fashion parade in the media, what will it take to stop?

Introducing The Attention Factor Tee Shirt!

I just wanted to take a brief moment to announce something I'm very excited about: the launch of my Attention Factor Tee Shirt on eBay!

Proudly proclaim your love of positive attention with this snuggly 100% cotton shirt, available in sizes S-XL. Isn't it cute? Click here:

The Attention Factor Tee Shirt on eBay

Order yours today, and send me your thoughts!

Connection Is Worth Everything

I saw the movie The Vow the other night and could see it over and over. The movie tells the true story of a couple who wrote a book about their vow and loved each other enough to live through uncharted medical territory to recoup their lives.

Why do I say I could watch it over and over? I say this because the energetic connection between the two stars was palpable, and that is welcome in a time when more and more people are disconnecting from each other, spending more time on their cell phones and computers than with each other.

I see people show up at dinner, put their cell phones on the table and not say a word to each other. The other night, there was a family - mother, father, and teenage son - across from me at a restaurant, and the only words they spoke the whole time were when they ordered their food. What a pathetic situation. The space around them was so heavy!

I think about the concept of connection a lot, because it means so much to me and it feels so good.

I also think about the state of  'not knowing,' or not being completely connected to someone, and how that feels. I first encountered that with my mother. When my Mom did not know where I was or what I was doing, she felt so out of control, she could barely handle it. I watched and absorbed this. She actually told me that she was going to call the police once, when she felt this way. That was the era before cell phones, but I was an adult and had only stopped at the grocery store, making me a little later than usual in arriving at her home.

So, somehow, I've picked up that energy in my own life and am working to let it go...that energy that makes me uncomfortable when I don't know what's happening in a situation that I'm in, when I don't have all the answers. Even writing about it makes me feel better.

Feelings are feelings, we all have them, and when we're healthy, we honor them. Best of all, we learn to communicate them, so we don't have to stuff them down and drown them with drugs, alcohol or other destructive behaviors. This is all part of my work with The Attention Factor: learning to pay attention to how we feel, how we act and how we call attention to our need for a solution.

If only Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger and so many others could have discovered what kind of attention they needed and learned how to ask for it - wouldn't they be alive today? Do you know what kind of attention you need, and how to get it?

Let's welcome our feelings and get this all-important conversation started.

www.TheAttentionFactor.com

I Love to Go to The Garbage !!!

I've  discovered two places where I really enjoy going as part of some of my daily routine.

Over the years people have laughed at me when I've said, " I'm going to the Post Office." They've asked me why, when there's a Mail Box on the corner or I could stick it in my door to be picked up.  I go because I know that I'm completing a task; I have finished something. This just plain feels good to me.

So, when I go to the garbage location down the hall, I have also finished cleaning up, cleaning out and/or straightening up. That also feels good.

I had a friend once who loved to iron, because she could finish something. I totally understand that and I do not iron.

There is always so much to do every day and more always keeps arriving: e-mails, internet 'duty', creative writing, videoing, texting, reading newspapers and magazines, making phone calls, running errands, social living, family living, personal living, shopping, eating, etc.

I don't wonder at all about my need to feel that I am completing some thing every day. I'm not alone, for most people I talk to these days are expressing their over-whelm with all they have to do. I sometimes wonder if there are any commercials, yet, advertising a medication to get rid of our feeling we have to do it all.

I am recommending consciously balancing our lives these days by paying attention to the choices we make.
I'm practicing this more and more;  I don't know if I'll ever be perfect.

For more, visit www.theattentionfactor.com!

We've All Got to Learn to Say "NO!"

I have been saddened by Whitney Houston’s recent death. I’ve listened to commentators, family remarks and read statements she herself  made over the years.

It seems that this gifted, famous, successful woman wanted to quit the life she’d created for herself. She wanted to be “normal,” hang out with her daughter, escape the throngs, and settle down to be a Mom.

She had issues like so many others have, like not feeling ‘good enough’ or feeling insecure about where we are in life. These feelings can creep into us even when we’re appearing to be very financially successful, with a worldwide reputation and followers who adore us and send our songs to the top of the music charts.

Only we know our personal pain, and often we can’t tolerate how we feel. Evidently that’s what happened to Whitney, driving her to take all the drugs she felt she had to take. I wonder why she couldn’t ask for help from those around her, the kind of attention she really she needed and why she couldn’t say ‘no more.’ She wanted to stop; she’d planned a new routine to clean herself out and up. She needed a very special kind of attention, which unfortunately she couldn’t or didn’t get.

While she poisoned her body with all the chemicals she took, I think she died of a broken heart.

For more on the power of Attention, visit www.theattentionfactor.com.

We Must Promote Men Learning to Feel Their Feelings.

The other night I went to see one of the Human Rights Watch's Film Documentaries.  Whenever, I choose to attend one of their  presentations, I walk away knowing much more about the human condition than I thought I knew. This was their 22nd year of showing stories of human resilience, from around the world, of  issues that grip our time.
This year, filmmakers excelled in showing the power and influence of the media on human rights, a timely enough topic.
I saw Better This World, about two boyhood friends from Midland, Texas, who wanted "to make their world a better place"; they decided to protest the Republican Party's 2008 Convention. Of course, they met an older more experienced "revolutionary" who guided them in planning to do more than they intended.

As the movie moved along, I got more uncomfortable, as I realized that they were beginning to feel that perhaps they were in over their plans and were beginning to feel uncomfortable about the direction their new older friend was taking them. I don't want to spoil the story, except to say that both young men have been through the troubling court system, did nothing to bring the wrath of the FBI down upon  them and to be called terrorists. They have both been in jail.. In fact, one of the men is still incarcerated.

I was left with the feeling that our culture has failed our young men. We have intimidated them from connecting to their feelings. We have told them not to cry, to dismiss their inner, intuitive feelings of discomfort.These two were actually seduced by the older, more sophisticated  'revolutionary', who turned out to be a paid professional.  These two friends were caught in a web of dishonesty and manipulation from the first step they took 'to make their world a better place'!

This is a true story and it is a shattering one. It deserves to get the attention it warrants, to be seen by those who can't act on their inner feelings, who continue to dismiss their warning systems to turn away from what can turn out to be a disastrous path.

Just Thoughts on Attention, the Weather, and Stilettoes.

Sometimes I have so many things I want to write about, I don’t know where to start. I think I’m in some kind of ‘overwhelm.’ I know I’m not alone, for I’ve been in more and more conversations where this state-of-mind comes up in conversation, along with the over use of cell phones, the excessive number of e-mails we all are getting and the way our kids text each other, even when they’re sitting almost on top of one another...

And one of my dearest, oldest (in time) friends just left after staying with me for four weeks. She came from a six month stint in France, where she supervised some property repairs for friends, which gave her knees further reason to scream out for their own repairs.  Here in NYC, she endured the medical journey necessary to schedule double knee surgery in July. I played a new role for me, the best kind of sister, I hope – intentionally giving her the space and support she needed, the kind of attention I would have wanted in her shoes...

So, I’m going to write about some things that have been on my mind lately, things I can do nothing about, things I have to accept for what they are.

Obviously, the weather which  is currently very hot and humid here. I feel very grateful that I have not seen any tornadoes overhead, nor floods in my neighborhood, and I have not had to deal with what parts of Japan are living with right now. I have no reason to complain. 

The number of politicians who have screwed up their lives with adolescent sexual behavior is growing fast. I can now count at least eight. I wonder who’s going to be next.  Governor Mark Sanford’s lying about his extramarital affair has even resulted in a new definition of the phrase, “I was hiking the Appalachian Trail”

Mason, the Alabama dog who was tossed up and away during one of the recent tornadoes, broke both his legs, took three weeks to crawl home to find his owners and is now in rehabilitation. What a show of strength, resilience and most likely a reflection of the attention he received from his family.

The pot-holed streets of New York are in dire need of attention. Left as they are, it is far too dangerous for the ladies in stilettos to cross them. I really don’t know how they can walk anywhere ...maybe I’m just envious, as I couldn’t even sit in them....

Meeting Wendell Potter, the man who blew the whistle on the Healthcare industry’s nasty tricks to stymie positive humanitarian advances. He was head of the team created to specifically discredit Michael Moore’s documentary, “Sicko.” We’re going to talk more, because he needs to attract more attention to his urgent message, in order to save lives.

And then there’s the untimely, too early death of a friend of one of my sons, who spent his elementary years  going in and out of our house, and who grew up to be a powerful  music and theater producer. That’s just too close for comfort.

Looking at this list, I see there’s a sort-of theme: repair and acceptance. Just thoughts.

Sex, Lies and Attention!

First, Bill Clinton, then Elliot Spitzer, John Edwards, and others and now Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn, all bad boys, all acting out and getting  lots of negative attention, spending millions of dollars on legal fees and causing real emotional damage to their families and friends.

They have also undone much of the good in their careers, impeded the growth of social and political work they began, and brought shame upon many of their colleagues.

Why can’t these men realize their humanity, admit their awful behavior, and simply tell the truth? 

Kids lie, research shows, to get out of trouble. They often make up huge stories about who did what to whom and how.  Very creative kids tell the most outrageous lies. For example, a mother comes into the kitchen and sees that milk has been spilled all over the floor. She asks, “who spilled the milk?” She gets various answers, “He did it, she did it, a bird flew in the window and did it? I don’t know.” The purpose of this exercise is to get the milk cleaned up, no matter who did it.  After the milk is cleaned up, Mom could talk to the kids about owning up to their behavior, speaking without anger about being honest. The 'milk caper' could have been a total accident anyway, with neither blame nor shame involved.

Perhaps these men never learned that lesson, and have just continued lying, to get out of trouble and to get away without taking responsibility for their hurtful, anti-social behavior. I believe there's learning gap here.

The kind of attention we get in our childhoods lives with us forever, and some of us didn’t get the kind we needed to grow up,  to live honestly, to respect the lives we’ve created and the people we’ve brought along  to live with us.

Great to Connect and Smell the Pickles

Recently I sent out an e-mail blast with a video I think expresses the essence of attention - I've received it several times and even put it on my Facebook spot. I've gotten comments from "Fabulous, I' have tears," to lots of  "Thank you's" to "who are you promoting and why?"...and so the beat goes on...whenever one shows up or speaks up, someone out there doesn't like it. I've heard this one forever.

The really wonderful part of all of all this is that I've heard back from so many with whom I've been out of touch, since I moved to New York. I am thrilled. There's such a feeling of joy when I reconnect with old pals. I even heard from  Europe and New Zealand.

So after an energetic Friday in my office, on Sunday, I subwayed down to the lower East side of Manhattan for a professional tour of the area with an Alumni Group of U of M. Somehow it was sponsored by the Business School, so I was the only one there from LS&A. Very fun to share this with all ages, some graduates of the B school and some in-going graduate students. We all share a joyousness about our years in Ann Arbor no matter our ages. Some continue to return for the Football Games; others go back for reunions, which I've done; I  luckily discovered some years ago where the Michigan Band practiced for a trip to The Rose Bowl, and I went in Pasadena and watched them for hours --- totally thrilling and exhilarating.

Now, about those pickles. We were on the street listening to our tour leader who'd just handed out plantains to give us a taste of the area, when she started to talk about our next stop, the Pickle Factory.  During the great Jewish immigration in the early 20th century, the pickle business was huge with some 70 factories thricing. Today there is only one and it's owned and operated by a group of Chinese. There were lots of people already in line and the smells coming forth were music to my nose. I had to go in, where there were about 20  vats with everything you could imagine being pickled. Even pineapple. Our guide had bought us sour pickles, which were delicious, but I wish I'd had a chance to taste the dills. I'll  just have to go back.

This was certainly another connection for me. Those smells came from my childhood, even though I grew up in Detroit, which did not have pickle factories; fortunately we had deli's.

In two hours we went historically from the Jewish part of the area and the Italian/Irish part to today, where the Chinese have settled. It was a glorious day and the most-used park in New York was packed full of Chinese families connecting, chatting, using the playground equipment, walking babies; we could easily have thought we were some place in China.

What a week-end...

Miracles Are Abounding, for Which I Am So Very grateful!

You know people are always trying to connect people; it's the nature of the beast, so to speak. One day a childhood friend of mine from Detroit called. She still lives there. I left there some 45 years ago to live in Los Angeles. She'd been talking to some other women and somehow the subject of New York came up. They all discovered that they had friends in New York who should know each other because they'd probably really like each other. Several calls and e-mails later, Joan and I had a lovely dinner together.

The ladies from Detroit  were right; we did like each other.

That night after our dinner, Joan went home and called other friends in our old home town to tell them about her new friend, named Alice, who had moved to Port Huron as a young mother.  She really knew little else about my early life, as we'd never met before.

Here comes the 2 degrees of separation. Both women she called knew me! Sue and I had gone to elementary school together, and Rhoda had worked in my father's Ophthalmologic office for years and years.

While I had not known Rhoda, for I actually lived in Port Huron the very years she started working for my father, I decided to call her anyway.

We chatted like old friends. She is just a few years younger than I am, and when she worked for my father, they would have lunch together during which time he would lecture her on his rules for living, on strict dating protocol and other issues, just like he had me.

Well,  our conversation turned out to give me something I never would have imagined.  She delivered a much  miracle to me:  a communication that my father had with her, which was really meant for me...about being happy...never too late, so glad, finally.

Riding New York Buses Is Like Going to the Theater.

I absolutely adore riding New York City Buses. I never know exactly what's going to happen. As I am an experienced people-watcher, I really do take in the scene.
Yesterday was quite a dramatic treat.

I got on a bus going uptown, and noticed that the driver had actually waited for me, I thought. I asked if he'd seen me running to catch him. "No" he answered. Ok! I sat down and waited. Five minutes went by. Finally he started driving. He soon stopped and waited again. This happened three more times. I looked at my watch. He then announced to his riders, at last, that he would not be moving again, until the bus in front of his moved on and suggested we all move to the other bus. There were six of us who got off and on again and started speaking to each other about this adventure. Others shared that four buses had previously arrived at the same time, which was very unusual, so our driver was obviously trying to slow down....

We were now becoming bus buddies, involved in this common experience.


The next part of the ride went really fast, and I transferred to a cross-town bus. When I got on the next bus and approached the fare box, I saw a slip of paper which said "Free." I thanked the driver, sat down in the front row and preceded to watch as the other riders got on and reacted to the slip of paper. One lady looked angry. One man asked if that paper meant that he could just sit down; he was carrying a brief case full of Financial Newspapers. There were lots of riders at that time, so there were lots of totally different reactions. Some looked relieved, some looked harried, some registered disbelief. Almost no one thanked her!

Finally, a little lady walked up the the front to ask the driver where she would stop next. The driver told her to please stop yelling, to which the little lady replied that she always sounded like that, as she had a loud voice. She got off with no further conversation.

Finally, it was my turn to get off, so I thanked the driver again and wished her a lovely evening. She just smiled at me and looked so relieved that someone actually had paid attention to her.

An Ode to A Cinnamon Roll

Yesterday was my birthday, so, naturally, thoughts of past birthdays and other celebrations came floating by. I can still gleefully see and feel, when I felt most celebrated and loved.
I've spent especially wonderful birth days in Sapporo, Japan, on Isla des Mujeres, Mexico, in Detroit,, Ann Arbor Michigan, in New York, in Kenya, Africa, in Israel and in California.

The day after I always feel a little heart-achy, for another measurable year has come and gone, and I naturally have to account to myself. I bet I am not the only person who does this!

One way I have of giving myself the attention I need to support the accounting, is to discover some comfort food. This helps. Cinnamon rolls are very high on my list, as is Jello, quality chocolate cookies, lamb chops, spaghetti with good tomato sauce - all foods from my childhood. When I got home from elementary school and smelled cinnamon rolls, I knew everything was calm and cool at my house; my mother wanted to bake, and I got a treat. That was a win-win.

I just finished eating one of Starbucks Morning Buns, a fine example of a cinnamon roll.
That was a treat. I guess I'm easy.

Birthdays are really special, for it's simply the day we were born. In my workshops I ask people about this. Some of the stories I've heard are almost unbelievable. Some, who were born near Holidays, have never celebrated their day.

One man who was born on Valentine's Day, now celebrates with huge parties, for the first time. At his childhood home, it was always a national holiday, never his birthday! Another man told me he would never ever eat banana cream cake, again, for his mother baked that for him every single year; it was HER favorite, and she never ever asked him what he wanted. One women knew her father was never home for her birthday, as her father chose to go hunting the first day of the season, which fell on her day. Her mother tried to argue with her in my workshop, but the daughter knew, as she'd lived the pain and the grief of her Dad's leaving that particular day. She felt totally dishonored and abandoned. At least, this adult child really got to tell her mother her truth.

I've given lots of people permission to celebrate, to honor themselves for the day they were born.

I know of lots new birthday celebrators going on around the world. And I still know some who don't want to even know about their birthdays, and I know why, and that's sad for me to hear. Birthdays arrive on time, every year, whether we went them to or not.

So let's pay attention and give ourselves and others the attention we need to mark the day we arrived in our world, hopefully to make it a better place.