Over the years in my research about attention, I've collected hundreds of stories about people receiving and giving gifts. The bottom line is that gifts are all about attention. The emotionality around this particular event is staggering. People often retain memories of their favorite gifts throughout their entire lives. I've heard detailed descriptions that are often over fifty years old.
I have a story myself. My grandmother never had much money to spend, but I felt she always had a special birthday gift for me. She'd bought the kind of birthday card that had ten slits for dimes, which she took the time to fill. While, I really received only one dollar, I received so much more; I knew she'd been thinking about me enough to collect the ten dimes; that thrilled me.
Then there are memories of the gifts that hurt or left a bad feeling. A friend of mine was a dedicated model maker. When his parents asked him what he wanted for the holidays, he told them the exact number of a new model he was wishing for. Every year when he opened his gift with great expectations, he was disappointed. The model in the box was just not the one he had asked for. He felt his parents had not even listened and did not really care what he wanted.
Gift-giving could almost be considered an art form. This action involves thought, respect, presence and imagination.
In another sense, gifts carry an essence of who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Are we emotionally generous or are we emotionally tight? Do other peoples' needs and wants really mean something to us? We are gifts to ourselves and others, if we care to think with that perspective. Our time can be a tremendous gift to others. Sharing our wisdom and skills with another can be a most meaningful gift. Volunteering to be a mentor is a gift. To look at the bigger picture, when we do any charitable work, we are giving a gift of ourselves.
There are abundant stories where one person can make a huge difference in a person's life forever; A High School Auditorium was recently going to be named after a drama teacher, who was dying earlier than expected. When his old students, most of whom were professionals in the movie and television business, heard about his immanent death, they insisted on having the party early, because all of them had stories to tell of his impact on their lives. They spoke of his listening, his driving them home after rehearsals, his giving them snacks to keep their energy up, his total support of their work.
Listening...what a gift. Have you ever asked someone what they really wanted? Have you ever suggested sharing feelings with another or even sharing a silence with someone else, when someone just wants you near?
When someone is ill, and you volunteer to bring something in or run an errand for them, that is a gift. How about asking to help when someone's plate is too full with responsibilities, such as elderly parents or a new baby's arrival home to young siblings, or someone's moving away who can't keep up with its demands?
The best gifts of all don't have to cost anything! Right now when the financial world is in such chaotic shape, it is well to think outside of the traditional box, so to speak, to imagine a new type of gift-giving, one where we give of ourselves, where we really make a difference to the receiver.
Written for EzineArticles.com
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Giving
Attention...
I had an extraordinary moment last week - one that I am still savoring. It involved a really small, every day word, nice, but it meant so much!
My oldest son recently had a birthday. We were talking on the phone, when he asked if I intended to get him a birthday present. I replied, “Of course.” Then I asked him what he wanted. He was reluctant at first to say, but he finally shared, “It’s quite expensive.” I asked him what the “it” was. He told me that it was a new HD monitor for his Apple computer. The long and short of the story was that I got it for him, and he has since called more than once to tell me how thrilled he is to use it in his work, how much gratification he gets from it and how it was exactly what he wanted. I finally asked him if he could imagine how marvelous I felt hearing him tell me that. That’s when that little four letter word, nice, came out. He felt my joy. What a win for the both of us. I felt as if I had gotten a gift for giving a gift! To give a loved one exactly what he wants is really special. Even more special is when someone feels safe enough, clear enough and worthy enough to communicate their needs and wants.
And, it’s awful, when someone asks for something and gets something else. I have a pal who told me that he never got exactly what he asked for at holiday time, when he was a kid. He was an ardent model maker and would tell his parents exactly what model he wanted. When he opened his present, it was never what he had asked for. He still remembers that, and he’s got school-aged grandchildren. He was always disappointed and felt that they really hadn’t listened to him.
Giving gifts is almost an art form. Choosing gifts really takes thought, listening, honoring and respecting. Holiday times are coming. Lasting memories and lifetime good and bad feelings are especially created at holiday times.
Yes, giving gifts can be such a display of lingering attention.
I had an extraordinary moment last week - one that I am still savoring. It involved a really small, every day word, nice, but it meant so much!
My oldest son recently had a birthday. We were talking on the phone, when he asked if I intended to get him a birthday present. I replied, “Of course.” Then I asked him what he wanted. He was reluctant at first to say, but he finally shared, “It’s quite expensive.” I asked him what the “it” was. He told me that it was a new HD monitor for his Apple computer. The long and short of the story was that I got it for him, and he has since called more than once to tell me how thrilled he is to use it in his work, how much gratification he gets from it and how it was exactly what he wanted. I finally asked him if he could imagine how marvelous I felt hearing him tell me that. That’s when that little four letter word, nice, came out. He felt my joy. What a win for the both of us. I felt as if I had gotten a gift for giving a gift! To give a loved one exactly what he wants is really special. Even more special is when someone feels safe enough, clear enough and worthy enough to communicate their needs and wants.
And, it’s awful, when someone asks for something and gets something else. I have a pal who told me that he never got exactly what he asked for at holiday time, when he was a kid. He was an ardent model maker and would tell his parents exactly what model he wanted. When he opened his present, it was never what he had asked for. He still remembers that, and he’s got school-aged grandchildren. He was always disappointed and felt that they really hadn’t listened to him.
Giving gifts is almost an art form. Choosing gifts really takes thought, listening, honoring and respecting. Holiday times are coming. Lasting memories and lifetime good and bad feelings are especially created at holiday times.
Yes, giving gifts can be such a display of lingering attention.
Friday, November 7, 2008
My First Blog
Change. It’s in the air, all around us, everywhere, for everyone. We find it on many levels: personally, physically, environmentally and socially. We’re seeing and feeling changes in our energy, in our bodies, in what we eat, in the weather, in world technology, in noise levels, in traffic, in what the upcoming Y2K event will bring…in our roles at work and in our families. We’re witnessing new medical discoveries, new diseases and new systems for health care.
I can’t believe that I wrote this almost nine years ago! I just found it in a file marked “stuff”.
Little did I know that November 4th, 2008, would bring our country such a tremendous change. I’ve heard Barack Obama’s victory called “our non-violent” revolution.” People world-wide are still dancing in the streets, shedding tears and feeling relieved that we’re going to have a President who recognizes the needs of people.
Look at him as he interacts with his family. He hugs, he bends down to speak with his kids, he smiles at all of them, he holds their hands as they walk together and flirts with his wife for all of us to see. We’re watching him pay attention, stay connected with his family and role-model for all of us.
ATTENTION! I had to learn about attention needs, because I’d never been taught. I didn’t realize how important a role attention, plays in everyone’s life.
The Attention Factor® is a body of work which I have synthesized from extensive research, hands-on experience and stories given to me from interacting with hundreds of people in workshops and the key-note speeches I’ve given. Audiences have experienced a shift in their perception of themselves and others.
Needs. I have talked about, written about and coached about our attention needs in our lives for the past two decades. I’ve delivered my message all over the world. I hear from people all over the world. I am more passionate than ever about what I’ve discovered, grateful for the contributions I’ve made to so many, and joyous for their letters and calls to me.
This is my first blog. I am excited about starting. There is much more on the way!!!
I can’t believe that I wrote this almost nine years ago! I just found it in a file marked “stuff”.
Little did I know that November 4th, 2008, would bring our country such a tremendous change. I’ve heard Barack Obama’s victory called “our non-violent” revolution.” People world-wide are still dancing in the streets, shedding tears and feeling relieved that we’re going to have a President who recognizes the needs of people.
Look at him as he interacts with his family. He hugs, he bends down to speak with his kids, he smiles at all of them, he holds their hands as they walk together and flirts with his wife for all of us to see. We’re watching him pay attention, stay connected with his family and role-model for all of us.
ATTENTION! I had to learn about attention needs, because I’d never been taught. I didn’t realize how important a role attention, plays in everyone’s life.
The Attention Factor® is a body of work which I have synthesized from extensive research, hands-on experience and stories given to me from interacting with hundreds of people in workshops and the key-note speeches I’ve given. Audiences have experienced a shift in their perception of themselves and others.
Needs. I have talked about, written about and coached about our attention needs in our lives for the past two decades. I’ve delivered my message all over the world. I hear from people all over the world. I am more passionate than ever about what I’ve discovered, grateful for the contributions I’ve made to so many, and joyous for their letters and calls to me.
This is my first blog. I am excited about starting. There is much more on the way!!!
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