Giving

Attention...

I had an extraordinary moment last week - one that I am still savoring. It involved a really small, every day word, nice, but it meant so much!

My oldest son recently had a birthday. We were talking on the phone, when he asked if I intended to get him a birthday present. I replied, “Of course.” Then I asked him what he wanted. He was reluctant at first to say, but he finally shared, “It’s quite expensive.” I asked him what the “it” was. He told me that it was a new HD monitor for his Apple computer. The long and short of the story was that I got it for him, and he has since called more than once to tell me how thrilled he is to use it in his work, how much gratification he gets from it and how it was exactly what he wanted. I finally asked him if he could imagine how marvelous I felt hearing him tell me that. That’s when that little four letter word, nice, came out. He felt my joy. What a win for the both of us. I felt as if I had gotten a gift for giving a gift! To give a loved one exactly what he wants is really special. Even more special is when someone feels safe enough, clear enough and worthy enough to communicate their needs and wants.

And, it’s awful, when someone asks for something and gets something else. I have a pal who told me that he never got exactly what he asked for at holiday time, when he was a kid. He was an ardent model maker and would tell his parents exactly what model he wanted. When he opened his present, it was never what he had asked for. He still remembers that, and he’s got school-aged grandchildren. He was always disappointed and felt that they really hadn’t listened to him.

Giving gifts is almost an art form. Choosing gifts really takes thought, listening, honoring and respecting. Holiday times are coming. Lasting memories and lifetime good and bad feelings are especially created at holiday times.

Yes, giving gifts can be such a display of lingering attention.