The Brooklyn Bridge: It's All About Support!

Recently I celebrated another decade birthday.  This was a BIG one!!!

All my family plus two “adopted” family members joined in for a 3 ½-day weekend. There were eleven of us. This event was actually some ten years in the making. The previous decade birthday came at a tough time in my life, when I was going through a divorce and had ambivalent feelings about lots of what was happening. I was definitely not quiet about how unhappy I was then. While my sons did want to plan a Los Angeles party for me, I know, now, that I was just too debilitated by the recent events to take part in a huge celebration.

However, the next year I got to go on a great womens’ retreat to Isla de Mujeres, Mexico, where I got lots of special attention and even a special dairy –free chocolate cake from the residence chef, who was so proud that she found the right recipe. It was absolutely memorable.

But I missed being with my family.

I come from the time when kids were supposed to be seen and not heard, but I’ve grown and finally arrived in the vital place where I’ve discovered what I need and how to ask for it. My kids are ultra-important to me; I like to be around them. While they live in different parts of the country, Austin, San Diego and Eugene, OR (I’m just lucky that they’re not scattered across the world!)  I’ve chosen recently to live in New York. They have all visited, and we have had great times together, but they’ve never all been here at the same time. For this birthday I wanted to play with them, share outings and stay together.

At first I suggested, perhaps, a cruise, which met with a resounding “No!” After much deliberation, phone calls and e-mails back and forth, they all said they wanted to come to the Big Apple to do the things they’d never had time to do or were too busy to do on previous trips. We sent out a survey to gather information about preferred activities and dining needs. I think there were 39 items on one of the first lists. Everyone was very creative with their suggestions. But we whittled it down and came up with an agenda that intrigued everyone.

And so they came, my granddaughters presenting me with a magic wand and the proclamation that I could now have anything I wanted with a flick of my wrist! We all showed up at the chosen hotel at different times, assembling later for dinner. I carried my wand everywhere and got lots of juicy comments in elevators, at restaurants, and on the street. Of course, the family cameras were constantly clicking the entire time, and my wand was clearly visible throughout.  The pictures are wonderful; I get to live the week-end over and over just by looking at them, whenever I want. I’ve put the group picture of us posing at the end of our trip over the Brooklyn Bridge on Facebook, where it’s gotten more than 40 comments, some from people I haven’t connected with in many years. I like that.

We managed over the next three days to walk on the High Line, New York’s unique park situated atop old elevated train tracks, as well as visit delicious Eataly restaurant for dessert, visit my son’s New York office for a tour, shop at the wonderful UniQlo, the well designed Japanese store, visit the Museum Of Modern Art for the Cindy Sherman show, have a super tour at The Brooklyn Botanic Garden under the cherry blossoms, walk over the Brooklyn Bridge back to Manhattan, see Newsies, enjoyed by all for its fabulous dancing, great sets, and good music, ate well at places where all dietary requests could be met (no small feat!), host a big brunch for 46 friends and family and then hold a final review of everything! I saw lots of smiles, different groups hanging out together, and heard lots of laughter.

There was something for everyone and it has been declared an “awesome” time by all. All the conversations, phone calls and e-mails, but most importantly the attention we put into the planning of this weekend, were worth every moment. For me, it was a dream come true.

Not only did I have a sensational, nurturing and memorable time, I recognized a very important truth again, as I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge holding my wand and linking arms with many of my loved ones. My family was concerned that I might not be able to make it across due to the cold, the wind, the distance, etc., but I never doubted I could, and I did. I realized that when you feel the support you need from those you love, you can do anything.

Miracles Are Abounding, for Which I Am So Very grateful!

You know people are always trying to connect people; it's the nature of the beast, so to speak. One day a childhood friend of mine from Detroit called. She still lives there. I left there some 45 years ago to live in Los Angeles. She'd been talking to some other women and somehow the subject of New York came up. They all discovered that they had friends in New York who should know each other because they'd probably really like each other. Several calls and e-mails later, Joan and I had a lovely dinner together.

The ladies from Detroit  were right; we did like each other.

That night after our dinner, Joan went home and called other friends in our old home town to tell them about her new friend, named Alice, who had moved to Port Huron as a young mother.  She really knew little else about my early life, as we'd never met before.

Here comes the 2 degrees of separation. Both women she called knew me! Sue and I had gone to elementary school together, and Rhoda had worked in my father's Ophthalmologic office for years and years.

While I had not known Rhoda, for I actually lived in Port Huron the very years she started working for my father, I decided to call her anyway.

We chatted like old friends. She is just a few years younger than I am, and when she worked for my father, they would have lunch together during which time he would lecture her on his rules for living, on strict dating protocol and other issues, just like he had me.

Well,  our conversation turned out to give me something I never would have imagined.  She delivered a much  miracle to me:  a communication that my father had with her, which was really meant for me...about being happy...never too late, so glad, finally.

Women...and Men...

Yesterday a friend and I went to hear a very prominent French film director speak and show clips from his old films. He was given a handheld microphone, which he buried on his chest, so neither of us could barely hear a word he said. What a waste. Why have they stopped attaching small microphones to peoples jackets?

That's some progress that doesn't seem to work, unless someone shows the speakers exactly where and how to hold the microphone.

The clips, which included a famous Western and World WAR II flick, were all fantastic; now that I've had a taste, I want to see all of them. David Niven was sure a handsome dude, as his plane was going down in flames, while the woman on the airfield was trying to talk him to safety as she was falling in love with him.

At dinner, we discussed the event, which led to further conversation about how men treat women...a natural progression from the movies we'd seen. She asked me about seasonal relationships, which occur when the man wants to ski all winter and play golf all summer, ignoring how the woman feels about his choices. As my friend talked and I listened, she moved from being consumed with him to how she felt about the terms of their relationship. I could see her excitement at finding clarity about why the relationship wasn't working for her.
She concluded that I was a good friend. I gave her the kind of attention she needed - being present,actively listening and re-framing what she'd been struggling over. She told me that I ought to be speaking to bigger audiences.

I could never have predicted how yesterday's "date" would turn out.

We're already in the middle of March!!!

March, the name and the month, is special for me. It's my birthday month, and it also happens to be my last name. Wonder if there's a coincidence there?

I start celebrating the first day of March, which seems like it was yesterday, and already it's the twenty-second...I know people who won't celebrate their birthdays, don't want to, and I feel that I have to make up for them. I think that's a real pity, for that's the day we were born, arrived on this planet to make a difference ...when we can commit to being in integrity, being authentic and choose to heal ourselves and the planet. Celebrating is good!

Some people still have to learn to receive, to let others acknowledge them. Childhood memories creep in here, and if early birthdays were stressful, adults tend to shy away from wanting to do anything about their birthdays. When birthdays fall on or near Holidays, there are stories...memories which live forever...I have collected lots of stories about that phenomeon!!!

My, my soap box is really turned on tonight. I think I have some extra vetting energy because I took myself to my favorite deli tonight and was totally disappointed in everything I ordered - even commented to the waitress, who shared that other patrons felt the same way - no flavor whatsoever...I finally took a piece of their rye bread, always terrific, and dipped it in Russian dressing -that was fabulous. I could put Russian dressing, Thousand Island, on almost anything, and it tastes better. That must be from my mid-west Detroit roots.

I've been on a movie prowl lately and have seen three good ones: I Love You, Man, Everlasting Moments (Swedish) and Two Lovers. I guess I'm exhibiting spring fever behavior. The first movie is a wonderful stab at explaining male bonding/friendship which for so many has become so suspect...actually...I really liked that movie.

Spring: Time for flowers...lots...makes me feel honored and cared for; my balcony garden is looking good!

I've been motivated to write much more lately, to complete my long-awaited book and to get some product ready for Web site - I've got cheerleaders in residence who are really pushing me, as they think my work is vitally important, timely and needs to be out there - this really helps. I am grateful.

Just heard mega rain outside and as I love to sleep in the rain, after reading the Sunday New York Times, I think it's time to head off to bed. Another week has come and gone; I am always running out of time these days - lots on my plate - making me very happy and challenged. Good to feel creative.

Hope all's well all over the world tonight, especially with all my family and friends scattered here and there. I shall send them extra positive attention through the air waves...

Amazing Attention for Me and for a Portugese Dog

I am very curious this morning. I've visited my Web site and observed that certain visitors stay for many minutes and do not leave their e-mail addresses, so they can receive up-to-date messages from me - a newsletter - an offering - a meditation. Others stay for a nano-second; I sincerely wish I could talk with them, especially the ones who stay around. What more could I share? I just hope that this is not the way of the world - a one way communication system.

Interacting with others is a must for me, either in person or, at least, on the telephone. I want to hear their voice, see their eyes, feel their energy. I don't text. Oh, I can. I just have to turn on my thumbs. But that just isn't enough for me.

A friend and I saw "I Love You Man", a new movie, last night which dealt with many male friendship issues and did it thoughtfully and very well, I thought. My friend and I talked about how we both felt about all this texting, wondering if the next step in all this non-personal communication will be having a chip implanted in our heads: a frightening and dismal thought.

There is a very fine science-fiction book which already describes living that way. It's called "He, She, and It." Scary. Are we headed that way?

But why do I want to tell you about the Portugese dog? Because I saw one this morning, and I heard that the Obamas are considering this breed for their family. It's hypoallergetic, is very loving, is very cute, and also needs lots of attention. They repeated that word over and over again as that's the bottom line - like any family member. This one particularly needs to learn who's the leader! Other family members need other kinds of attention; everyone does not need the same kind. Family's really work well, when they determine exactly what the needs are for each member, as they're all different....a novel thought!

I personally need time to see, because I am so very visual; there are musical souls in the song world, the world of orchestra s, the composing worlds. And there are physical souls who are in the sports world, dance world, hiking world. We all know them.

I "tank up" in museums, shopping in special stores, walking in visually gorgeous places, reading wonderfull illustrated books, looking at the sunset, and beyond. When I go into a new home, I always first look out the window. I am a trained hand-weaver, love to make collages and have even painted in San Torini once, which was the most of the best....

We've got to discover what turns us on and share that information with the people we care about, so they can support us in getting the specific kind of attention we need!
I guess it's time to step down from my soap box!!!