Open Letter to Oprah and Others Who Are Embarrassed about Their Weight!

Here’s an arresting question to ponder. Have you ever been to a memorial? That’s probably a rhetorical question, as we’ve all lost special people in our lives. I went across country once to attend a friend’s funeral, as I wanted to hear a leaderless memorial. People stood up as they pleased and spoke about the relationship they had with the man who died. Some cried when they said that they would continue to miss hearing his voice on the other end of the phone, as he was so supportive and nurturing. Others talked about how they would miss his mentoring, which had meant so much. Some spoke of his caring and consistent friendship. Not one person mentioned his looks, money, how much art he had collected, how big his home was or how many times he had been married. Those things did not matter to the people who had come to pay their respects, to remember him, to share their feelings. The participants came to talk about how much they had cherished their friend and how much they would miss him for his support, his wisdom, and his emotional generosity.

I am writing this, because the older I get, the more it becomes obvious to me that our inner landscape matters much more than how we look on the outside! I saw you, Oprah, on the news and in your own O Magazine talking about how embarrassed you are to have gained back some of the weight you had lost and how mad you are at yourself for "falling off the wagon." I think that you are beautiful at whatever weight you are and I’m sure there are thousands like me who watch you and listen to you. I think that being mad at yourself for how much you weigh is tough for us to hear, for it almost like you’ve dismissed the rest of you.

Where did this cultural fetish about being so thin come from? We’re losing people, younger and younger, boys and girls, men and women, to their eating disorders. Where does our need to be judged by others come from? When will be able to feel good about ourselves no matter how we look or what others think of us? When will we judge ourselves by our kindnesses to each other, by our generosity with each other, by our honest and ongoing inclusion of each other?You have contributed so much to so many. You have triumphed over your earliest childhood traumas, memories and events. You have given countless writers a platform from which to be heard and bought. You have brought families together who would not otherwise have had the opportunity for a reunion. You’ve created movies which have served to enrich the lives of their audience.

You’ve built an especially wonderful school for girls in South Africa. You went to great lengths to give selected young girls the opportunity to learn to be leaders, to acquire an extraordinary education, to excel, to contribute to the future of their country and of our planet. And childhood is where we need to have opportunities to amass successful experiences for approval. Self-approval fuels how we feel about ourselves internally forever and ever. To gain self-approval as adults, we often have to treat ourselves to major healing processes of cleaning out bad attention and others’ bad belief systems.

Oprah, we have watched you, and we salute you for your sensitivity, for empowering future generations, for the positive attention you pay to everything and everyone. And I know you have done much more to support and "cheerlead" humanity than what I’ve mentioned.
Today, particularly, with the tragic financial crisis we find ourselves in, we all have to make changes. We have to learn to spend less, to create more out of what we already have, to rethink our disposable mentality, to nurture our relationships with special time and attention. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could truly learn that who we are means more than how much we have or how we look?

Perhaps, this financial mess we’re in will give us the opportunity to rediscover that what really matters is how we treat each other.You have become such a vital, positive role model for our globe. Please know we really don’t care how much you weigh. You radiate interior beauty with which you contribute abundantly to so many who are less fortunate than you. We just want you to keep on keeping on with all your good works and showing us that actions truly do speak louder than words.

I can see through to the shelves again...

What a job...reorganizing my office, getting the creative energy moving again, sorting through over 400 books to see what to save, give away to friends and family, what to give to the local library, what to give to a charitable group and what to quote...Just had to do this, as I could feel the room's energy so stuck that I couldn't write...now, that I've also turned my desk around so I can see out to a gorgeous view, my creative juices are reving up...I want a book out in the Universe, very, very soon......I have created a new paradigm for living called The Attention Factor: A Way to Balance your Life!

Having Too Much Stuff Can Kill Us or Cure Us!

I simply couldn´t stay put in my office long enough to work anymore! I felt as if all the files stacked in various systems, piles of old newspaper clippings, research books I´d used ten years ago, old DVDs, vintage rolodex cards and little scrapes of paper, all this stuff, was taking over and sucking the energy right out of the room. So, I called for help. Several friends heard my desperation and offered to come over to do something; they rearranged the furniture and moved the whole office contents into my living room. Now I had two messed up rooms. First I went into over-whelm; I felt wiped out and debilitated. Then I started looking at titles of some books I hadn´t seen in a decade and made a profound decision. I would not put one thing back in my office, until I looked it over to see whether or not I really needed it, I could use it, it was relevant to the present, or I could give it away.I even created a deadline for this job by inviting six people over for dinner in three weeks, when I´ve committed to cooking. I used to cook. As I began to look at the titles of the remnants of my 100+ cook book collection, I remembered I used to enjoy reading cook books as a way to relax! I loved looking at the sumptuous pictures of food which others had prepared. I smile today when I recall coming to the startling realization that I would never make all the recipes in all my books. I chuckled, thinking that in an earlier chapter of my life, I didn´t think you could own anything that you couldn't use up!Collecting... When did we all develop this need for abundant stuff? I wonder when I started to do that. I know as a little girl I had a few Story Book dolls. I know I had a few but certainly not a collection. I also had books, but not many. Memories came tumbling out of the books I was moving from one place to another and finally putting into various give-away boxes.

Then, abruptly, the day after this Thanksgiving, I heard the news that an employee, who had opened the door to let 5am store shoppers in on Black Friday, had been knocked down and trampled to death. The store´s management wanted to close to stop the shopping, but the people inside wouldn´t leave. They were enraged, as they'd gotten up so early to wait in line.

I am aghast. I am affected. I am grieving for the employee, his family and for all of us. I am paying attention to what's happening. I've realized I have too much stuff and that´s why I´m cleaning out my office. The people in the store were out to get more stuff. We have become a consuming, materialistic nation. We have to have more stuff than the next person. Here comes my soap box again! We eat too much; we drink too much; we own too much; we want too much. We buy too much. When did we start to need stuff more than we need human connection and interaction? The people who saw the employee open the doors had to see him fall and disappear in the crowd. There were additional fights that broke out at cash registers in other stores. I personally have seen shoppers grab articles away from other shoppers, claiming they saw it first and wanted it. Why didn´t some one start yelling and try to hold the crowds back?

Shopping has become addictive and shoppers have become disconnected to each other and themselves, when they need another "fix." Our media world is constantly telling us when and where to shop, what´s going on sale and how much we need to buy. Commercials lull us into believing that when we purchase their products, we will have more love, be more beautiful, have better bodies, attract more lovers, have wonderful, perfect adventures and feel better. I have to ponder: Do we really believe that? Commercials cost huge amounts of money to produce and to air, because they truly do effect our behavior; they work to emotionally urge us to buy!I personally don´t plan to go shopping this season. I have decided to find art objects around my house that have been precious to me and that I now want to pass along to a family member or good friends. Actually, I´ve already started. I had a hand-made angel on my dining room table for years that is now residing in another city, watching over some very good pals. I didn´t even know, when I sent it, that they needed to be watched over! And they are thrilled to have her!


Soon, I will, after considerable laborious work involving lots of decision-making, be able to see empty shelves and space in my office, where I shall revel in the creative energies moving around!

Here Come the Holidays, Again, with Gifts and Lasting Memories!

Over the years in my research about attention, I've collected hundreds of stories about people receiving and giving gifts. The bottom line is that gifts are all about attention. The emotionality around this particular event is staggering. People often retain memories of their favorite gifts throughout their entire lives. I've heard detailed descriptions that are often over fifty years old.

I have a story myself. My grandmother never had much money to spend, but I felt she always had a special birthday gift for me. She'd bought the kind of birthday card that had ten slits for dimes, which she took the time to fill. While, I really received only one dollar, I received so much more; I knew she'd been thinking about me enough to collect the ten dimes; that thrilled me.

Then there are memories of the gifts that hurt or left a bad feeling. A friend of mine was a dedicated model maker. When his parents asked him what he wanted for the holidays, he told them the exact number of a new model he was wishing for. Every year when he opened his gift with great expectations, he was disappointed. The model in the box was just not the one he had asked for. He felt his parents had not even listened and did not really care what he wanted.
Gift-giving could almost be considered an art form. This action involves thought, respect, presence and imagination.

In another sense, gifts carry an essence of who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Are we emotionally generous or are we emotionally tight? Do other peoples' needs and wants really mean something to us? We are gifts to ourselves and others, if we care to think with that perspective. Our time can be a tremendous gift to others. Sharing our wisdom and skills with another can be a most meaningful gift. Volunteering to be a mentor is a gift. To look at the bigger picture, when we do any charitable work, we are giving a gift of ourselves.

There are abundant stories where one person can make a huge difference in a person's life forever; A High School Auditorium was recently going to be named after a drama teacher, who was dying earlier than expected. When his old students, most of whom were professionals in the movie and television business, heard about his immanent death, they insisted on having the party early, because all of them had stories to tell of his impact on their lives. They spoke of his listening, his driving them home after rehearsals, his giving them snacks to keep their energy up, his total support of their work.

Listening...what a gift. Have you ever asked someone what they really wanted? Have you ever suggested sharing feelings with another or even sharing a silence with someone else, when someone just wants you near?

When someone is ill, and you volunteer to bring something in or run an errand for them, that is a gift. How about asking to help when someone's plate is too full with responsibilities, such as elderly parents or a new baby's arrival home to young siblings, or someone's moving away who can't keep up with its demands?

The best gifts of all don't have to cost anything! Right now when the financial world is in such chaotic shape, it is well to think outside of the traditional box, so to speak, to imagine a new type of gift-giving, one where we give of ourselves, where we really make a difference to the receiver.

Written for EzineArticles.com

Giving

Attention...

I had an extraordinary moment last week - one that I am still savoring. It involved a really small, every day word, nice, but it meant so much!

My oldest son recently had a birthday. We were talking on the phone, when he asked if I intended to get him a birthday present. I replied, “Of course.” Then I asked him what he wanted. He was reluctant at first to say, but he finally shared, “It’s quite expensive.” I asked him what the “it” was. He told me that it was a new HD monitor for his Apple computer. The long and short of the story was that I got it for him, and he has since called more than once to tell me how thrilled he is to use it in his work, how much gratification he gets from it and how it was exactly what he wanted. I finally asked him if he could imagine how marvelous I felt hearing him tell me that. That’s when that little four letter word, nice, came out. He felt my joy. What a win for the both of us. I felt as if I had gotten a gift for giving a gift! To give a loved one exactly what he wants is really special. Even more special is when someone feels safe enough, clear enough and worthy enough to communicate their needs and wants.

And, it’s awful, when someone asks for something and gets something else. I have a pal who told me that he never got exactly what he asked for at holiday time, when he was a kid. He was an ardent model maker and would tell his parents exactly what model he wanted. When he opened his present, it was never what he had asked for. He still remembers that, and he’s got school-aged grandchildren. He was always disappointed and felt that they really hadn’t listened to him.

Giving gifts is almost an art form. Choosing gifts really takes thought, listening, honoring and respecting. Holiday times are coming. Lasting memories and lifetime good and bad feelings are especially created at holiday times.

Yes, giving gifts can be such a display of lingering attention.

My First Blog

Change. It’s in the air, all around us, everywhere, for everyone. We find it on many levels: personally, physically, environmentally and socially. We’re seeing and feeling changes in our energy, in our bodies, in what we eat, in the weather, in world technology, in noise levels, in traffic, in what the upcoming Y2K event will bring…in our roles at work and in our families. We’re witnessing new medical discoveries, new diseases and new systems for health care.
I can’t believe that I wrote this almost nine years ago! I just found it in a file marked “stuff”.

Little did I know that November 4th, 2008, would bring our country such a tremendous change. I’ve heard Barack Obama’s victory called “our non-violent” revolution.” People world-wide are still dancing in the streets, shedding tears and feeling relieved that we’re going to have a President who recognizes the needs of people.

Look at him as he interacts with his family. He hugs, he bends down to speak with his kids, he smiles at all of them, he holds their hands as they walk together and flirts with his wife for all of us to see. We’re watching him pay attention, stay connected with his family and role-model for all of us.

ATTENTION! I had to learn about attention needs, because I’d never been taught. I didn’t realize how important a role attention, plays in everyone’s life.
The Attention Factor® is a body of work which I have synthesized from extensive research, hands-on experience and stories given to me from interacting with hundreds of people in workshops and the key-note speeches I’ve given. Audiences have experienced a shift in their perception of themselves and others.

Needs. I have talked about, written about and coached about our attention needs in our lives for the past two decades. I’ve delivered my message all over the world. I hear from people all over the world. I am more passionate than ever about what I’ve discovered, grateful for the contributions I’ve made to so many, and joyous for their letters and calls to me.

This is my first blog. I am excited about starting. There is much more on the way!!!